Winner: Tom Wyman (Category: fear of real work)

Mr. Whyman, like previous SOTWs, is a nobody, but somehow someone decided to allow him some column inches in the New York Times to write about himself. In doing this however, Tom (if we can call him that) has laid bare some real chasms between pretension-signalling elitists and normal people who just work hard.

Unlike the United States, Britain is still stained to some extent with its lingering class system, where the people at the top think and play and don’t worry about money (because that would be crass), people in the middle are there to work hard and produce money, and people at the bottom are to be politically exploited. Precious snowflake Tom thinks he’s in the top, bless him, lecturing at the University of Essex, in, well, philosophy, bless his little heart. That said, both countries have that same elitism, that same snobbery, that same disdain for those who have to work hard.

So, the award. Mr. Whyman gets his snowflake status thus: he complains he must go back to his home town, which he despises; his wages don’t cover a complete move out of his mommy and daddy’s house, where he grew up; he also despises people who want independence from European oligarchy, because they’re not smart, like him; but above all – he is a lazy sod that is just afraid to get a job so he can pay his rent!

So, come on Tom (if that is your name), get your bottom off your mum’s couch for a few hours and perhaps grab a part-time gig down at your local 24-hour garage. Who knows, you might progress from being a precious snowflake to a regular, intelligent guy.