Ah, this brave new world. In prior years travelling football fanatics would be worried about whether their team played well, that their best players didn’t get injured and that they didn’t run out of ale money. But now European soccer fans have something that’s becoming more commonplace to worry about: that’s right – fundamental Islamic jihadi massacres!

With the streets of Europe now regularly running with the blood of the filthy, pig-dog infidel, it was about time an app was created to stave off decapitation while you’re busy watching Wayne Rooney waddle around the pitch. And now there is! Officially to be called Jihadi Avoider¹, the French ‘government‘ (I think that’s what those ‘political thingies‘ are still called in Europe) naturally used a more bureaucratic nomenclature, presumably to fool marauding Muslim invaders: SAIP (Système d’Alerte et d’Information des Populations), or ‘Alert System and Population Information‘ [see here].

So, as you’re watching the England players falling over a lot and scratching their heads, there’s no need to fear Mohammed and his Muslim mates going all ‘Jihadi AK-47‘ on you.

Ah, this brave new world. Oh – I already said that. Oy!

¹This was my choice, but I never sent it in…