I’m afraid we’ll never find out why he plowed into innocent Ohio State students and started indiscriminately slashing at them with a butcher’s knife. The police and politicians are universally baffled.

Why, Abdul? Why? Oh, that’s why¹. In the name of Allah? A billion infidels, eh? Ahem. OK. Er, hmm. Cat in a tree story? Do we have a cat in a tree story? Quick!